Libertine in Dreams

life in e-motion


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New office neuroses

My office recently relocated floors in our building.
My office is now sharing an office with another office.
I am now breathing the same, reconditioned air as ten other people within five square meters and I tell you – it’s not doing my face any favours.  I look like the loose ends of a hobo’s ass.

What I discovered on the sticky floor and damaged walls of my new office:

  • Some lovely used cotton buds, complete with gooey yellow ear wax.
  • A few toothpicks fashioned from paper clips and match sticks.
  • A line of industrious worker ants, chipping away at food scraps that have fallen from the mouths of chimpanzees.
  • Curtains that have been used as napkins and handkerchiefs.
  • Windows that haven’t seen a splash of Windex or even the moist breath of an honest soul.
  • The salty taste of vindictiveness in the air.
  • Moult from a shape-shifting opportunist.
  • and Bible quotes glued to the wall.

I miss my quiet office, with nary a light-fingered soul to be seen for miles.
I miss being surrounded by smaller amounts of bullshit.
I miss the promise of not being interrupted every 10 mins for a new toilet roll or a tin of milk powder because the milk powder given just yesterday was consumed by the milk powder gremlin.
I miss walking in to my office at my optimal performance time of 9am-ish instead of the 9am time the attendance book monitor expects of me.
I miss staring out the window, deep in thought about what I want for lunch, instead of staring out the window, deep in thought about the exact number of bones I would break if I leapt out the window.

I’ve resorted to streaming classical music to relax.

Okay, here’s hoping next week doesn’t turn me in to a raging tyrant.

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